Nine Signs You Are a Member of the 3 A.M. Yacht Club

Membership is automatic. There is no application, and if there were, you would have rewritten it.

1. You own at least one domain name for a business you have forgotten.
2. You know what a bilge pump costs.
3. Your notes app contains the phrase this changes everything.
4. You have alphabetized something that was not asking for it.
5. You’ve said I’m just going to run to the store and returned with a canoe paddle.
6. Your family checks the driveway before saying hello.
7. You own a label maker, and it’s tired.
8. You started a podcast. You’d rather not discuss it.
9. You just opened a new tab to check on number 2.

The club’s official uniform is the hoodie, and the bylaws are in the notebook.