Today’s Mood Forecast: 100 Percent Chance of Everything

Good morning. Here is your forecast from the Bear Weather Center, where the instruments are excellent and the results are not.

Morning

A strong high-pressure system moves in by 7 a.m., with gusts of confidence up to 90 miles an hour. Residents may experience a sudden urge to repaint.

Afternoon

Heavy cleaning in the east wing. Scattered phone calls to people Bear hasn’t talked to since 2011. A small front of new hobbies will pass through, leaving equipment behind.

Evening

Temperatures fall without warning. Expect drizzle around a song in a grocery store. Visibility on the laundry is near zero.

Extended outlook

Uncertain. Keep a forecast mug nearby and pack for all seasons.