I Bought a Boat at 3 A.M.: A Field Report

Let the record show that the listing said runs great.

It was 3 a.m. Bear was awake, and had been awake for what Bear would describe as a productive amount of time. Bear had reorganized the garage by emotional significance. Bear had drafted a plan for a regional sandwich empire. Then the internet showed Bear a 19-foot pontoon.

The reasoning, as recorded

1. Water is good.
2. Ohio has water, somewhere.
3. A person with a boat is a person with a plan.
4. The seller said no lowballers, which felt like a dare.

The morning after

The boat arrived on a Thursday. Bear no longer recalled the sandwich empire. Bear’s sister stood in the driveway for a long time, and she said only: is it yours?

Bear has since joined the 3 A.M. Yacht Club. Membership is free, and that is the most expensive thing about it.

This is a humor site, not medical advice. If you are struggling, talk to your doctor. In the US you can call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, at any hour.